


Mighty Stranger

by Oh_Toasty



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Anxiety, Depression, I’ll add tags later, M/M, Marriage, Mostly Canon Compliant, Non traditional, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Violence, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, episode 10, i swear y’all, season three, this sounds darker than it is, until
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 13:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17447846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Toasty/pseuds/Oh_Toasty
Summary: “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.”Emily Jane Brontë , Wuthering Heights~Cain has never been a fan of Brontë but that particular line sparks something within him: it’s what he thinks of Lucifer and why it’s such a shock to learn that his in LA working with the police there





	Mighty Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not gonna lie, I edited half of this and gave up. It has OOC sections, but I worked hard to actually finish something, and I’m proud.

When they first meet, at least under these names, the interaction is brief and dismissive. Lucifer offers his hand, and Pierce refuses to shake it claiming a fear of what he could contract. Lucifer smiles at him, and Pierce averts his eyes. He doesn’t want to be reminded of his past with Lucifer, especially seeing as Lucifer seemed to be content to ignore it. As he walks away, he clenches his fist; it’s official then, he truly has nothing left to live for 

 

Still, something draws him to Lucifer, despite the man’s choice to blatantly ignore their history. When he hears Lucifer is seeking the Sinnerman despite Chloe’s disbelief, he approaches the fallen angel, offers his assistance. The fact that he broke into Lucifer’s home to do so, well, he may have just been curious as to how Lucifer was truly fairing these days. After all, Lucifer had a history of faking it till he makes it. 

 

He keeps an eye on Lucifer, curious as he hears the man lament the loss of his devil face and return of his wings. He can admit, it’s suspicious that the changes had occurred while Lucifer was being kidnapped, but he truly had no part in the matter and is just as interested in finding the answer. 

 

When he gets shot, he wonders if this is finally it, if he’ll finally be freed from this earth. He thinks of Lucifer’s face and wonders if he still wants to go. He wonders if he’ll still go to hell when all he’d wanted from that place is now on earth. He hopes he goes nowhere, that it all just ends. 

 

It’s both disappointing and a relief when he wakes up in the hospital and he sends Decker home with the hopes of gaining time to think for himself. He does think, does plenty of it, and yet none of his questions are answered. 

 

When Decker’s birthday arrives, and Lucifer disappears to Vegas to go help his ex-wife of all things, Cain can’t help the rage that boils within him; how is it fair that Lucifer will make time for the stripper he’d married for two weeks, in an act of willful ignorance, yet he couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge him? 

 

He goes home and kills himself that night, despite knowing it won’t work. In his desperation, he simply downs a bottle of antifreeze and then cuts his wrists while laying in his bathtub. He doesn’t care which kills him, but he hopes something works and that at the very least he’ll wake up and drown in his tub while he’s still weak. He always sleeps well after a drowning, but they’re hard to do when he’s in a good state of mind. 

 

Upon his return to work the next day, Lucifer has already come and gone. He can’t help himself, and he asks Ella about his absence. 

 

“Oh, Candy is actually alive and well! It was her friend who died. I have to admit, I like Candy. Anyone who marries a friend just to help them out, that’s one dedicated friend.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Cain murmurs, “She what?”

 

Ella bites her lip. “I’m not supposed to share this, but Lucifer only married Candy in order to purposely put a wedge between him and Chloe, and get information on his mom, but I didn’t dig into that much.”

 

“Interesting.”

 

He drinks himself to death that night. It isn’t his favorite way to die, but the alcohol is comforting and any form of death is cathartic. It gives him just a moment of hope. 

 

When they catch the Sinnerman, Cain isn’t sure what to do. He isn't sure if the boy he raised will implicate him or not, and he can’t be jailed, not with his immortality problem. He prepares to run, escape the second the Sinnerman says anything. Instead, he watches as his boy scratches out his own eyes to avoid Lucifer’s powers. 

 

He regrets ever telling the boy about Lucifer. 

 

When they break him out of jail, Cain can’t help the rush of excitement he gets, engaging in yet another crime with Lucifer. It reminds him of before, back when they were honest with one another. 

 

Then Lucifer kidnaps the Sinnerman, and Cain is reminded that things aren’t as they once were. He hasn’t told Lucifer about his connection to the Sinnerman, and Lucifer hadn’t told him about this plan of his. 

 

When he finds Lucifer prepared to kill the boy, he shoots on instinct. He doesn’t know exactly what will happen if an angel kills a human, all he knows is that Lucifer had once feared it. He won’t allow Lucifer to kill anyone, even if it means killing the boy he had raised. 

 

He wonders why even now he can’t let Lucifer go. 

 

“What have you done?” Lucifer cries. “I was finally going to get some answers!”

 

Cain shakes his head and leaves the room. Sometimes there’s no use in speaking to Lucifer. 

 

It doesn’t hit him until later, that he just killed a man who was like his son for a man who wouldn’t even look at him. When it does, he’s still at the precinct and he can’t leave without drawing attention to himself. Thus when Ella approaches him babbling congratulations, he can’t stop himself from yelling at her. This isn’t a matter of congratulations, his son is dead. 

 

When Lucifer calls him that night, he can’t resist his call. He’s lost so much that day, he can’t bear to burn this bridge. So he goes to the penthouse, goes despite the anger he feels for his son's death, for being ignored and forgotten. 

 

“This couldn’t have waited until morning?” He asks hating how even in his annoyance and hurt one could still hear the affection within. 

 

“Time sensitive I’m afraid. Or, in a way, the opposite.”

 

Cain rolls his eyes. “Just tell me what you want.”

 

Lucifer launches into his explanation that the Sinnerman was the accomplice to another person, pulls out the photo and declares that the man in it must be immortal. Cain crosses his arms, not understanding Lucifer’s game and why the other man doesn’t just call him out on it already. 

 

“An immortal crime boss, just like you’re the devil?” He asks, trying to lead Lucifer to a conclusion. 

 

“Yes well, it does sound absurd doesn’t it. As it is, there’s really only one way to prove my theory.”

 

He glances around ignoring Lucifer’s babbling as the man bends over the counter searching for something. He has no idea what kind of game Lucifer is playing, which is why it’s such a surprise when he has a knife plunged into his chest. 

 

Staggering back, he’s too shocked to actually say anything. He grasps at the knife, before falling to the ground and allowing his final breath to peter out. 

 

When he wakes back up, he pulls himself to his feet, knife still embedded in his pectorals as Lucifer talks nonsense. 

 

“I wonder why I didn’t figure it out sooner: World's First Murderer. It’s quite a moniker.”

 

Cain focuses on pulling the knife out of his chest. He’ll address the ridiculousness of Lucifer’s statement once his healing kickstarts. After all, he still feels all the pain associated with a stabbing, perhaps even more so as he isn’t lucky enough to die from it. 

 

He makes his way over to the bar, groaning at the exertion. “You may as well pour me one too.”

 

Lucifer obeys, and for a moment everything is silent as Cain holds bar napkins against his wound. Then Cain drains his glass and slams it down onto the counter. 

 

“What do you want from me Lucifer?” 

 

Lucifer stands, leaning over him in an attempt to look as menacing as he can. Cain isn’t affected, though he knows that if it were possible Lucifer would have his Devil face out. 

 

“Why did you take my Devil face, how did God return my wings?”

 

Cain shakes his head. “I had nothing to do with that Lucifer. I don’t know how that happened.”

 

“But it was you who kidnapped me!” Lucifer hisses. 

 

“Yeah, I had you kidnapped.” Cain admits, “But that was because I needed you out of the way. I had nothing to do with the rest of your situation.”

 

Cain watches in awe as Lucifer’s wings unfurl, filling the room. He had forgotten how mighty they were, this proof of divinity. 

 

“Tell me Cain,” Lucifer drawls. “What do you desire most?”

 

Cain struggles against the compulsion to answer, if only because he doesn’t know what will come out of his mouth. His wants have been so muddled since he saw Lucifer again. “I don’t know.”

 

“Now, now, don’t fight it Cain. Tell me, what is it that you most desire?”

 

“I just want the misery to end. I’m tired of living like this.”

 

Lucifer’s wings retreat into his back, and he leans away from Cain before taking a seat. “Not to serve my father?”

 

“No, you fool, you should know better than most that I hate your father. Afterall, he’s the one who cursed me to immortality.” 

 

“Then why are you here? If not to torture me, why come to LA?”

 

Cain snorts. “Why do you care, you didn’t when I first arrived.”

 

Lucifer raises a brow. “Well, that was different; I didn’t know who you were when we first met.”

 

“Really,” Cain stands angrily. “You’re just going to pretend we’re strangers? I accepted it for all this time, but I thought now that you know I’m not here to hurt you you could at least acknowledge that we know each other!”

 

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lucifer responds, eyes wide. “We’ve never met before Cain.”

 

“Never met!” Cain shouts. “We were married, Lucifer. It doesn’t matter if it didn’t mean as much to you; you can’t just erase the past!”

 

Lucifer stands there, and Cain brushes past him and out the door. His chest is still leaking blood, and he’s clutching a handful of napkins against it, but he can’t stay there and allow Lucifer to diminish their shared past. 

 

Maze appears at his house that night; he scowls upon seeing her standing at his door, but he recognizes the bottle of scotch she holds up as the peace offering its meant to be. 

 

“Mazikeen,” he greets. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

“Lucifer wanted me to come and find you: something about your marriage?”

 

Cain holds the door open for her, “So he’s acknowledging that it happened now?” 

 

The expression on Maze’s face would be familiar were it anyone else, for her however distress is not natural. Cain can’t help the shiver of discomfort that crawls along his spine. 

 

“I don’t think that he remembers you, Cain.”

 

Cain stops moving, stops breathing. Time itself seems to stop around him as he processes what Maze said. His fingers grip the chair he’s been about to take a seat in, his knuckles white. 

 

“What?”

 

“After our last time on Earth, when Lucifer came back to Hell after Michael dragged me back, I asked him when he planned on returning to Earth. He waved me off, and I assumed that he had his plans and we’d return eventually. Honestly, when we arrived in LA and he didn’t seek you out instantly I figured someone had managed to kill you. Hearing you were alive, it was a bit of a shock.”

 

Cain snorts, “So was finding out that Lucifer had been on Earth without contacting me.”

 

“Still, when he asked me to find you tonight, I asked him why now; he answered that he wanted to ask you more about your marriage and what connection you thought the two of you have.” 

 

Maze twirls a knife throughout the air as she speaks. As Cain looks upon her, he’s reminded of how much he’d enjoyed her company in the past. It’s a shame, he thinks to himself, that Maze’s loyalty will always fall to Lucifer and he can’t guarantee Lucifer will always remain loyal to him, especially now. 

 

“How could he not remember?”

 

Maze shrugs. “I don’t know, how can he lose his Devil face and regrow his wings every time he cuts them off? God works in mysterious ways.”

 

“Yeah,” Cain sighs, “Maybe. Tell Lucifer I’ll see him at work tomorrow and we can talk after. I can’t tell with more of this emotional shit tonight, not while I’m still recovering from the physical harm he did me.”

 

Maze grins, “He stab you?”

 

“Yeah, what’s new?”  Cain grimaces. “He did it last time too.”

 

Maze sleeps on his couch that night, though she’s gone by the time he wakes up, no doubt to let Lucifer know what he’d said. Sighing, Cain sets about preparing for a day in the life of Marcus Pierce. 

 

It’s as he finishes breakfast that he makes up his mind, he can’t face Lucifer, not yet. He spent so long pining after his husband, awaiting his return, then being angry when he realized Lucifer wasn’t coming back. The rage of finding his husband had been on Earth for years without telling him, the violent urges he’d had upon finding out Lucifer had attempted to kindle a romance with Chloe, they’d left a mark on his psyche. He needs time to process that maybe his husband hadn’t left him, but had been forced to forget him. 

  
  


He leaves his house, knowing that when he doesn’t appear Lucifer will attempt to seek him out. No doubt Mazikeen will help him, upset that he’d had her lie to Lucifer however unintentionally. He wonders if that’s still true though, with all the distance that seems to have cropped up between the two of them. 

 

He finds himself skydiving that day, falling through the air with the knowledge that he won’t pull the parachute. He hadn’t planned on it when he’d first chosen this activity, he’d just wanted to do something spontaneous and different from the mundanity of his life. 

 

Still, suicide is just a regular part of his life, a fall back for every time his life goes off the rails. As he falls, he curses Lucifer’s name. If the man had just come back to him, had remembered him, maybe he wouldn’t want to die so much. Maybe he would have had something to live for. 

 

He hits the ground hard, feels the snapping of his neck and allows everything to slowly fade to black. 

 

When he wakes up, he has a man towering over him yelling about calling an ambulance. He heaves himself up from the ground, and walks away. 

 

His neck is to damaged for him to talk, to tell them he’s fine, but he can still get away before the ambulance arrives. He refuses to stay and act as a medical miracle and no one can stop him, not that they’re in any shape to do so; they’re all in far too much shock. 

 

Cain wonders if it’s really Lucifer he’s mad at. When his husband had first left, he’d understood. Lucifer had promised to return to him as soon as possible, but if he didn’t return to hell then Michael would have torn Mazikeen apart. It was only as years kept passing and Cain felt forgotten that his rage had grown. He blamed Lucifer, believing his husband hadn’t cared about him. 

 

He doesn’t know which is worse, his husband not caring about him or not knowing him. 

 

He thinks back to the day Michael had appeared, wings spread, Mazikeen held with an angelic blade to her throat. He’d given an ultimatum, return to hell or Mazikeen would would be ripped to pieces. He’d given Lucifer a day to say goodbye. 

 

He blames Michael more than Lucifer. Michael was the one to force Lucifer away, possibly even the one who had taken his husband’s memories. Michael was the one who had destroyed his life. 

 

With that in mind, Cain calls Decker. 

 

“Decker,” he greets. “Something’s come up, I’ll be out of town for a few days.” 

 

“I understand. Take all the time you need, Lieutenant. A shooting is always hard.”

 

In the background he can hear Lucifer’s polished accent, one that resulted from years of practice, “Is that Pierce? Put him on the phone. I need to speak with him.”

 

“See you soon, Decker.”

 

Cain catches a plane back to Chicago that day. There’s a few things he has left to do before he finally faces his husband. No doubt Lucifer will want proof that his words are true. 

 

It’s difficult for him to walk into the old storage locker, the one where he’d moved all of his possessions before moving to LA. His older belongings are towards the back, hidden away from his eyes. He never thought he’d have to dig out Lucifer’s possessions again. 

 

He reaches out and gently caresses the singular feather Lucifer had given him on their wedding day. It isn’t one of the large ones, Cain had always believed the primaries were beautiful,  but Lucifer had given him a Scapular feather. When Cain had taken it, Lucifer had blushed, and explained. 

 

“I know this feather isn’t as beautiful as some of the others, but I gave you this one because it was closer to my heart.”

 

It had been the best day of his life. 

 

Shaking his head, Cain shoves the feather into his pocket and continues looking. Eventually he finds what he was looking for, their written agreement of marriage.  He keeps it in an archival box stolen from a museum, a result of his panic upon realizing the edges of the old paper were disintegrating. 

 

Tucking the box under his arm, Cain makes his way to his hotel. He doesn’t have any energy left to deal with this. All he wants is sleep, well sleep is all he can get, death is what he wants. 

 

He stays in bed the next day, despite having everything he needs. He just doesn’t know how he’ll speak to Lucifer. He can’t be angry, it isn’t Lucifer’s fault that he can’t remember. At the same time, he can’t hold Lucifer close and express his love, not when the other man doesn’t recall their past, and that, that hurts just as much. 

 

All he wants is for his misery to end. 

 

On his third day in Chicago, Decker calls him to inform him that they’ve solved their case, the surfer was murdered by some woman obsessed with keeping her beach pure. 

 

“Yes, yes.” Lucifer’s voice drifts over the phone. “That’s all very nice, but I need to speak with the Lieutenant.”

 

Cain grimaces as he hears a slight scuffle, no doubt Lucifer stealing Deckers phone. He isn’t ready for this, but he probably won’t ever be. 

 

“I’m catching a flight back tonight,” he answers before Lucifer can speak. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

 

He hangs up before his husband can speak. He doesn’t want to know how Lucifer’s voice still affects him after all of these years. 

 

When his plane lands, he stays at the airport. He’s positive that Lucifer is lying in wait for him at his home, and he can’t deal with this conversation in his current state of mind. He needs rest, even if it is on an uncomfortable airport chair. 

 

He stays there until Decker tells him that she’s caught another case and Lucifer is with her. Then, he finally goes home to shower. 

 

It turns out that delaying his return is a mistake as when he walks into the precinct Lucifer bounds up to him yelling, “Hello, husband!” 

 

Cain raises a brow as Decker hides a smile. He doesn’t allow his hope to rise up the way it wants. Who knows what kind of game Lucifer is playing. 

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

Decker smile turns apologetic. “Our new case, the one with the former ecstasy cook, we have a lead that one of the neighbors was threatening her.”

 

Cain gives her a piercing look, “And? Go get close to the neighbors.”

 

“Well there is a house for rent on that street. There’s only one problem, they’ll only rent to couples.”

 

A sense of dread creeps up his spine. 

 

“Great, you and Lucifer go.”

 

“Oh no,” Lucifer purrs. “The detective already cased the entire neighborhood; they know that she’s an officer of the law. That leaves you and me, darling!”

 

“No. Go with Dan.”

 

“He can’t,” Chloe objects. “Dan was there as well, and you’re the only other officer with knowledge of this case.”

 

Cain relents, but only out of a sense of duty to his job. Well, that and he knows Lucifer would continue to hound him regardless of their location. Maybe this mockery of their real marriage will remind him that the man he loved is gone; this isn’t his Lucifer. 

 

“Fine.” He grits out. “Set up the covers.”

 

Chloe walks off to do just that, but Lucifer lingers. His smile has finally faltered as he leans in. 

 

“Good luck avoiding me now.”

 

Cain laughs. “You don’t think that we’re going to be able to talk on this case? Decker will be listening in the whole time, we won’t have a chance. I was going to talk to you tonight, but now we won’t have a chance.”

 

Lucifer’s face is blank as he considers Cain’s words. Suddenly, his expression is replaced by a radiant smile. “No matter. This just gives me a chance to get to know you.”

 

Cain retreats into his office, cursing the day he came to LA. 

 

By that evening, they’re renting a fully furnished house and their neighbors have offered to bring them a casserole. Lucifer accepts happily as Cain glowers down at the ring on his finger. 

 

“How long have the two of you been together?”  Their neighbor Anya asks and it’s all Cain can to hide his snort. 

 

Lucifer beams, “Yes, Mark, darling, tell her how long we’ve been together.”

 

He wants to rage at her, tell her that they aren’t together, that they can’t be together because Lucifer can’t remember him. He wants to let all of his hurt and anger out. Instead he offers a placid smile. 

 

“Oh, we met in our youth. We were fairly on again off again for awhile as Luke’s father wasn’t my biggest fan, but we worked it out eventually.”

 

“How sweet!” Brian exclaims and Cain can only nod. 

 

It wasn’t sweet. It was years of quick fucks and one night stands when Lucifer snuck to earth. Eventually, it was even casual dating when Lucifer managed to sneak out for more than an hour or two, honing his escape skills. It had been literal Eons before Lucifer and him had been able to engage in anything serious. It had been the overwhelming fear that God would catch them one day, that he’d separate them. Then, it had been the agony after he had done so. 

 

Eventually, Cain manages to turn the conversation towards a more productive topic and he pays rapt attention as Anya tells them of the notes someone had been leaving around the neighborhood. They finish up the meal, and Cain can tell by the twinkle in Lucifer’s eyes that the man has an idea. 

 

Lucifer chats with Decker through a walk-in talkie, and Cain begins to make his way out of the room. He doesn’t want to still be here when it will no doubt devolve into bad flirting. Lucifer never was good at communicating with those he cares about

 

“What are you doing?” Lucifer shouts, and Cain is startled to find that the words are directed at him. “I cook, you clean! Besides we have more to talk about husband mine.”

 

Cain makes his way back to the sink reluctantly and, well aware that Chloe can hear his every word, replies with a shake of his head. 

 

“Like how we’ll draw the attention of this neighborhood watchdog?”

 

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that; nobody is a worse neighbor than the devil. What I’m more concerned with is the story you were telling our new neighbors! Truly, I’d love to hear more about it, Cain.”

 

Cain coughs loudly, trying to cover the sound of his true name. He doesn’t need to draw more attention to himself, especially not that of Decker. 

 

“Not now, Lucifer. I don’t feel like having my history broadcast to the whole of the LAPD.”

 

Surprisingly, Lucifer actually backs off at that, though he still pouts. Cain continues to wash the dishes, ignoring the quiet of the room as Lucifer watches him. 

 

It’s hell, being trapped in this domestic life with Lucifer. He’d hoped that it would help him get over Lucifer, prove that his husband is gone, but all it’s done is remind him of the little things he’d forgotten. It reminds him of how Lucifer had once run their home. 

 

It’s awkward when they lay down for bed. The house only had one furnished bedroom, so they have to share and Cain has to remind himself that this isn’t his husband, it’s just a man with his face. 

 

He rests on the very edge of his bed, facing towards the wall so that he doesn’t have to look at Lucifer. It hurts to be in this position, so close to the life he had desired and yet so far. 

 

Cain dreams of death that night. He burns, drowns, is stabbed, shot, and beaten and yet he always wakes up. He kneels in a grassy field, screaming and screaming at God. Then Lucifer appears, his wings unfurled and catching the light. He’s beautiful, Cain thinks, and then Lucifer’s hand swings down, a knife arcing through the air. It catches Cain right in the heart, and he can hear his own blood rushing out. Everything goes dark. 

 

Then Cain wakes up. 

 

He’s still in that bed, next to Lucifer, though they’ve shifted closer together throughout the night. With a sigh, he scootches away from Lucifer, ignoring the blinking 4:32 on the alarm clock, and heads to the kitchen where he starts a pot of coffee. 

 

“Is that you, Lieutenant?” Decker’s voice warbles out over the walk-in left on the counter. 

 

“Yeah,” he responds grabbing the walkie. 

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Just couldn’t sleep. Any sign of our killer?”

 

“None so far. Think Lucifer will be able to draw them out?”

 

Cain snorts. “If anyone can, it’s him. I’m sure we’ll see them soon after Lucifer gets started.”

 

They fall quiet and Cain drinks his coffee in the dark of the kitchen. He doesn’t want to think about his dream, he’s sure that it’s just what his own hell loop would be like if we’re to ever die. 

 

He stays down there for several hours, dozing off occasionally. Every once in awhile Decker will say something about the case, but other than that he’s left alone. 

 

He wakes with a start as music starts blaring at seven am. Lucifer comes prancing down the stairs moments later, dressed only in a Speedo and a tank top. The smile on his face triggers one on Cain’s almost instinctively, but he’s quick to smother it. 

 

“What are you wearing?”

 

“It’s time to annoy our neighbors, darling! The girls should be here with the super soakers in an hour, but I figured there was no reason not to get a head start. The music should be enough to gain everyone’s attention, don’t you think?”

 

Cain snorts, “It seems like you have this well in hand, so I’m going to go in to work. Give me call if you need anything else, you too Decker.”

 

“Copy,” Decker replies over the ear piece he had put back in when Lucifer came down. 

 

He leaves Lucifer in the kitchen, going to get ready for the day. He showers even quicker than usual, eager to get out of the house and away from this echo of the past. 

 

When Cain returns to the rental that afternoon, he finds the yard full of scantily clad girls and Lucifer dancing in only his Speedo. Rolling his eyes, he heads inside and begins to prepare dinner, though only enough for the two of them. He’s in no mood to provide for a group of what are no doubt call girls. 

 

He eats alone, and leaves Lucifer’s plate out for him. He can heat it back up when he finishes playing with the neighbors.

 

Sadly, sleep evades him. When he begins to drift off, the sound of saw blades cut through the air. He smothers his groan in a pillow, but as it continues he drags himself out of bed and storms into the garage. 

 

“Lucifer! What, are you building something?”

 

“Yes, our reputation as the most annoying neighbors in the block!”

Cain pulls the plug on Lucifer’s saw without a second thought. He’s been up for nearly twenty four hours at this point, and he needs sleep. 

 

“Maybe we can finish this in the morning.” He says, as close to an apology as he’ll get. 

 

“We? I’ve done all of the work here! That’s not to mention how you’ve given me nothing for my troubles. Nothing but one measly redacted story of how long we’ve known each other!”

 

“Well it’s not as if I can tell the truth in front of our neighbors!” Cain objects. “Unlike you, some of us have lives which the truth could ruin!”

 

“A life! Everything you do is a lie. You were so focused on pretending to be someone you’re not, that you didn’t even approach me when you first saw me.”

 

In the background the walkie warbles, but Cain is to intent on the man before him to pay it any attention. 

 

“That’s not fair. You don’t get to judge me for that; you don’t get to judge me when you don’t even remember me.”

 

“Well, maybe if you’d just open up, Cain!”

 

“Enough, Samael! I’m not going to just give myself to you again; your family has ruined my life over and over, why would I open myself up to letting it happen again!”

 

“LAPD!” They hear Chloe exclaim, and they drop the argument in favor of running towards her voice. “Don’t move!”

 

“Oh, hello.” Lucifer greets the suspect as he identifies the man as Brian. “Have you come for your casserole dish?” 

 

The drive to the precinct is silent, but the wait during the interrogation is not. Lucifer once again begins to press for answers. 

 

“You know you’ll have to tell me the truth sometime.”

 

Cain snaps, “Well, I haven’t had much of a chance, have I? Especially, since you signed us up to play husbands.”

 

“Right. It’s not like you decided to go take a vacation the second I found out we’d been married, or avoided me even upon your return.” 

 

“Oh don’t make it sound like I went out to enjoy life without you, Lucifer. Not everything is about you!”

 

Lucifer sniffs, “Really, then what were you doing?”

 

“Trying to kill myself for fucks sake!”

 

Lucifer’s face is one of shock, but Chloe burst into the room before a response can fall from his mouth. In a way he’s glad, he hadn’t intended for Lucifer to find out how broken he is, at least not yet. 

 

“Guys,” Chloe interrupts. “Brian’s not our killer, good news though, your covers still intact and I have a plan.”

 

They host a garden party of all things, walking around and having each guest sign a guestbook for them. It isn’t a bad idea, even if the signature would never hold up in court. At the very least, it should get them close enough to make an arrest and try and break the killer in interrogation. 

 

Then Lucifer and him get into a fight over the placement of a side dish of all things, and Cain can’t help but blow up on Lucifer, dragging in completely unrelated issues. Eventually, he has to walk off, before the talk of empty promises drives him back to seeking death’s embrace. 

 

Chloe sends him back to Lucifer, murmuring in his ear about the case, and not realizing how much deeper the issue is. 

 

“He needs your help you know; he’s never done this before.”

 

“I know,” Cain replies, though he’s thinking more about marriage and less about the sting. “I’m going back. I just needed a minute.”

 

He rearranged the nachos upon his return, moving based on some old memory of how his husband had once liked things. 

 

“You came back!”  Lucifer exclaims, watching him as he redecorates. 

 

“I always do.” Cain replies, though he supposes that Lucifer wouldn’t know that, not anymore. “Especially since it was me who overreacted, I’m sorry.”

 

“Thank you, but you were right about one thing: I can be inconsiderate of your past. But I hope that we can work past that, together. Afterall, you may be the only person on this planet who truly understands me.”

 

Lucifer’s words offer Cain a glimpse at the man he used to call his husband, and he can’t help it. He finds himself moving forwards to press his lips against Lucifer’s. Later he’ll claim that it was because of the watching crowd, and a need to maintain cover, but in reality it was the thought of their wedding night, and the matching tenderness in Lucifer’s voice that drive him. 

 

Cain does his best to avoid Lucifer after that, acting as though his host duties keep him occupied. Which, he supposes as he seeks out signature after signature, in a way they do. 

 

A commotion draws his attention, Brain dragging Anya along with him, claiming they have to go. It’s rather suspicious, but the pair of hedge shears that he begins to wave around right after is even more so. 

 

Eventually, it all comes out. Anya killed the ecstasy cook, and Brin had learned of it when he saw the note that had been written by his wife. In a way, it’s tragic: two lovers only reassured of one another's commitment upon separation. 

 

Cain feels no sympathy for them; after all, he has his own tragedy to contend with. 

 

Watching Decker load the suspect into the car, Cain walks past Lucifer and leans in low. 

 

“If you still want to know the truth, stop by my place after work.”

  
  


The following hours pass slowly. Time seems to stretch on as Cain anticipates how Lucifer will react. In reality, the other man knows most of the story, they were married until he returned to Hell, he just lacks details. Most likely, Lucifer just wants to hear it all at once, as some kind of reassurance that he truly was missing years of memories. 

 

Cain seats Lucifer at his kitchen table, setting out two glasses of fine scotch as they settle in to discuss their shared past. Briefly, he wonders where to start. 

 

“We met shortly after your father cursed me with the mark, and we hit it off. A mutual hatred of your father was a good bonding point. You couldn’t stay long; your reign in Hell was to new for extended absences, and you didn’t want your family to realize you had discovered a way out of Hell. Still, you promised that you’d come back to see me before I died.

 

“When you finally returned, I was 912. I still looked the exact same as I had when you’d last seen me and I knew that I would outlive everyone I ever knew: except you. It was after that, that we became lovers. We did it for a couple of reasons, but at the time it was namely to piss off your dad and blow off steam. You’d surface every couple of decades, stay a short while, and then make your way back to Hell. 

 

“Things only grew serious around the birth of Jesus. Your father was distracted with his new son, his angels occupied acting as messengers. You escaped Hell with the intent to stay until you were forced back. You even brought Mazikeen with you-“

 

“Maze,” Lucifer interrupts. “She remembers all of this?”

 

Cain nods. “From the little I’ve talked with her since your return, the answer appears to be yes. Now, as I was saying, you brought Maze with you this time, and we spent more time together than ever. 

 

We fell in love, or at least acknowledged that we’d already been in love for eons, and, as prominent members of Roman society, we were able to get married.”

 

“It just seems so unlike me,” Lucifer admits. “I can’t see myself ever wanting to be tied down. Not that you aren’t a gorgeous specimen.”

 

“I thought you may say that,” Cain acknowledges, rising to his feet and shuffling toward the kitchen cupboard where he’d stored the things he had brought back from Chicago. 

 

He presents their marriage certificate first, allowing Lucifer all of the time he needs to look it over, no doubt checking for forgeries. When his husband finally seems content with that, he pulls out the feather, placing it in the center of the table. 

 

“I suppose I should give this back to you then. You gave it to me on our wedding night.”

 

Lucifer shakes his head. “Keep it, it's not like I’m in short supply these days.”

 

Cain pockets the feather once more, and carries on with his story, “We were happy for a while, until your brother Michael came for you. He took Maze, held her captive and threatened to end her life unless you returned to Hell. 

 

“You fought him before agreeing. I don't know exactly what powers the two of you used that night, but the fires that raged as a result burnt Rome to the ground. The textbooks still mention the Great Fire of Rome.

 

Michael won in the end, and you returned to hell with a promise that one day you’d come back to me. I don't know how he took your memories, or why.”

 

Lucifer taps his fingers along the table too, “So my family truly is the source of all your miseries. How ironic that you married the son who is the source of God’s troubles.”

 

“Like I said,” Cain mutters. “That’s what drew us together in the beginning. God screwed us both over and we wanted to anger him.”

 

“It could still be like that,” Lucifer suggests with a waggle of his eyebrows. “We could still get together, piss off old Dad.”

 

“No,” Cain objects. “That may have been why we initially got together, but it isn’t why our relationship lasted the strain of time. I loved my husband, and I won’t cheapen the memory of what I had by reverting back to our old ways.”

 

“Fair enough,” Lucifer agrees though Cain can tell he isn’t content. “Still, you have to admit, Dear old Dad would be furious if his Fallen Son and First Murderer bonded.”

 

Cain doesn’t know why he mentions it, maybe out of some convoluted desire to keep Lucifer in his life, but he does. Afterall, he’s already told Lucifer that he’s broken, that he wants to die. 

 

“You know, if you really want to piss your dad off, there’s something else you can do for me.”

 

“Really,” Lucifer perks up, “What’s that?”

 

“Figure out a way to kill me, after all the years I’ve suffered, I think I finally deserve a chance at rest.”

 

“Kill you?”

 

Cain sighs. “Yes,  Lucifer. I want to die. I’ve done everything there is to do on Earth, I’m bored. I can’t get close to any other human either, because then I’ll be forced to watch them wither away. Immortality, it’s a curse for a human; your father wanted me to live forever, watching everything I care for change and die.”

 

“I truly am sorry,” Lucifer tells him, a soft look on his face. 

 

“Don’t be, just help me die.”

 

Lucifer agrees, still as eager as ever to get one over on his dad, and they launch into a conversation as to what methods Cain has tried before. The list is extensive, but Cain has hope for the first time in a while. Not only does he have another person helping him towards death, but it’s someone with experience in immortality. 

 

The next few weeks pass in a blur; they solve crime after crime, and after each work day ends Lucifer and him try yet another way to kill him. None are successful, but some put him out for longer than others. His favorite is the one where Lucifer attempted exsanguination, preventing all of his veins from closing. It kept him unconscious for the longest period of time, but his blood continued to replenish until Lucifer’s floor was coated in gallons of Cain’s blood. Still, it was an interesting idea as theoretically if he could find someone to keep his woulda open, Cain would be unconscious forever. 

 

“I have an idea.” Lucifer announces one day, strolling into his office unannounced. “We’ve been going about this all wrong. My father cursed you for killing your brother, right?”

 

“Right,” Cain confirms though he knows Lucifer already knows. 

 

“So, maybe we need to have your brother kill you!”

 

Cain raises a brow. “There’s only one problem with that, you see that fact that I killed him means he isn’t around anymore.”

 

“Yes, Yes” Lucifer replies. “But I have wings now, I can just swoop on down to Hell and grab him.”

 

“Abel is in hell?”

 

“Oh yes,” Lucifer smiles. “He’s one of our oldest patrons. The demons love to practice on him.”

 

“I knew it!” Cain crows though he does spare a thought to wonder why he never asked about this in the past. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to tell people Abel is the asshat? Nobody ever believes me.”

 

“Right, can we go back to focusing on my genius plan?”

 

Cain agrees, and Lucifer explains to him the requirements for Abel’s new host body. Unfortunately, fresh corpses are in short supply. 

 

“You guys,” Chloe greets as she barges into his office. “There’s been an explosion at a high rise downtown. There’s one dead at the scene, and one on the way to the ICU.”

 

Cain and Lucifer share a secretive look before deciding that they’ll go see the assistant in the ICU. Hopefully, it’ll give them time to find a suitable host. 

 

Fortunately for them, an old man dies soon after they arrive, clearing the path for Lucifer to drop his brothers soul back onto Earth. Unfortunately the assistant from the case also dies, and the soul of Cain’s brother ends up in the wrong body which then manages to escape. 

 

“Damn it,” Cain curses, glaring at the empty bed. “I’ll take care of this Lucifer, just go work the case with Decker.”

 

Lucifer leaves for a little while, but quickly joins Cain as he tracks his brother throughout the city following Maze’s advice. The visit a plethora of bars and strip clubs, each one making Cain hate his brother a little more. The man always had been rather simple. 

 

When they finally find him, with Amenadiel of all people, he shoots a man and escapes in the chaos. Cain can’t help but laugh, his brother may not be smart, but the cards always seemed to fall in his favor. 

 

“Go back to work Lucifer.” Cain demands. “I’ll find my brother.”

 

For once in his life, Lucifer obeys and Cain finds himself back at the other man’s penthouse chatting with Maze. She’s in the middle of telling him how his brother, on occasion, acts unpredictably when he hears the elevator doors open. 

 

“Hello Cain,” his brother greets him. “And goodbye.”

 

The gunshot feels like all of the others he’s suffered, searing and painful. Still, he wonders if this will be the moment he dies. Afterall, if God really does want an eye for an eye than this should more than suffice. 

 

As his eyes flutter shut, he wonders if Lucifer will mourn him. 

 

Waking up is an ugly surprise, one he doesn’t have time to deal with yet. Instead he takes his brother in the the LAPD, shoving his own emotions down. Afterall, he’ll have plenty of time to deal with them. 

 

But then he discovers that the one involved with the Bolivian crime syndicate wasn’t the girl whose body his brother occupies, but rather her boss. His call to Chloe falls to late, she, Lucifer, and his brother encounter a bomb. 

 

“Lucifer, Decker. You need to get out of there stat!”

 

Decker replies, “I’m not going anywhere, Lieutenant.” 

 

Cain curses, albeit mostly because her refusal to leave means Lucifer won’t go either and he’s vulnerable near her.  

 

“Okay Decker, we can't wait for the bombsquad. I’m going to walk you through this.” 

 

Fortunately, living as long as he has, Cain has picked up a few skills, including how to disarm a simple bomb like this. That doesn’t stop the fear from creeping up his spine. One wrong move from Decker, and both his only hope at ending his life and his husband die. 

 

They all make it out alive, and Cain parts with his brother, amicably for once. For once in his long life, things are looking up, but of course it can’t last. 

 

Lucifer approaches him with a small frown. “Cain, I’m afraid I have to dissolve our unholy union.”

 

Cain flinches, in his head he knows Lucifer means their agreement to find a way for him to die, but his heart still thinks of his marriage when he hears those words. Despite not having been together in millennium, Cain can’t help but remember the fondness with which Lucifer had once referred to their marriage with those same words. 

 

“Why?”

 

“The risk,” Lucifer begins. “It’s too great. I don’t mind putting myself in danger, but the detective…”

 

“She never would have been in danger if we hadn’t revived Abel.”

 

“If she had died, it would have been my fault.”

 

“It’s fine,” Cain spits. “I’m used to being the only person the Devil breaks his promises to.”

 

With that he walks away, watching with apathy as his brother steps into the street right in front of a bus. It doesn’t really matter, not anymore. He should have known better than to get his hope up; he can’t die, won’t ever die.

 

Cain doesn’t return to work after that. Instead opting to lie in bed in an apathetic haze. Why bother getting up to go participate in a world that has nothing to offer him? He has no idea how much time passes, only that it does. He can’t bring himself to care. 

 

“Get off your ass.” A voice snaps after would could have been minutes or years. 

 

He slowly rolls over on his side to see Mazikeen. 

 

“Why are you here?”

 

She rolls her eyes. “You haven’t been to work in a week and a half; Lucifer and Decker were worried, and I still have to deal with the both of them.” 

 

“Tell then I’m fine.” He responds, rolling back over onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

 

“Obviously you aren’t,” Maze snorts. “You look worse than anything I’ve ever seen, and I used to torture people for a living.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, Mazikeen. Leave me be.”

 

She doesn’t listen to him, instead she drags him out of bed. He doesn’t fight, he lacks the energy to do so. 

 

“Get showered and dressed,” She orders and he listens because it takes less work than to argue. 

 

All he wants is for everything to stop. 

 

When he returns to her, freshly showered and wearing a new ensemble, she hands him a phone which he stares at uncomprehendingly until she speaks again. 

 

“Call the station, tell them you’re sorry for your absence, but you’ll be taking an even longer leave. You’ve had an unexpected death in the family and you don’t know when you’ll be back. Probably in a month or two.”

 

He repeats the lines that Maze feeds him, not once questioning while he’ll be gone so long. To be quite honest, he also doesn’t question whether or not he’ll go back. He simply doesn’t care. 

 

“Pack a bag. Make sure you have enough for two weeks, minimum.”

 

Mazikeen gets him all the way to the airport before telling him what they’re doing. Admittedly, he hadn’t once asked her. 

 

“I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I like you Cain. I always have, which is one of the many reasons I’m taking time off work to help you with this. We’re going to look for a way to restore Lucifer’s memories.”

 

Cain feels a spark of something at that, though what it is he can’t be sure. His emotions all feel muted, as though someone has hung a sheet between him and them. 

 

The first week he spends traveling with Maze isn’t much of anything, or maybe it is and he just still doesn’t care enough to tell. They stop off in Chicago for a few day, collecting a few things from Cain’s storage locker with the intention of using them for trade. Then they make their way to Rome, hopping from museum to museum, looking for something, anything that holds a connection to Lucifer or Cain.

 

On the ninth day of their excursion, Cain catches sight of something that rings a bell. He still doesn’t feel all there, though he’s fairing better now than he was when they left LA, so he can’t quite place where he knows it from. 

 

“Mazikeen.” He says, pointing at a ceremonial box lid. 

 

“Is that from the box you used to store the rock that killed Abel?”

 

Cain nods slowly, “I think it is.”  

 

“Perfect, we’ll trace back it’s history as far as we can. Hopefully, if it wasn't always someone’s possession we’ll at least be able to find out where it was found.” 

 

Each day, Cain becomes a bit more lively. It isn’t just hope that he’ll have his husband back, even now he doesn’t let himself truly believe that their quest will accomplish that. It’s more the excitement of doing something new. Despite all the time he’s been on earth, he’s never thought to follow the history of his old belongings. It never mattered to him, in a way it still doesn’t, but it means that there are other things he’s never done before. 

 

They’re in Russia, talking to a former owner of the lid, when Cain gets a text from Lucifer. It’s the first text he actually reads since the day his brother died, the day Lucifer broke their deal. He hadn’t even packed his phone, Maze had grabbed it when he wasn’t looking. 

 

_ I’m sorry.  _ It reads.

 

He doesn’t answer. 

 

Later, as he lays in bed staring at a picture of the lid they used as a starting point, Cain hears Mazikeen on the phone with Lucifer in the hall. 

 

“No, I won’t tell you where we’re at. You broke him, and now I’m fixing him.”

 

There’s a pause, and then she continues, responding to whatever Lucifer had said. 

 

“I’m fixing him because once upon a time we were almost friends. He may not have realized it, but he helped me perfect Abel’s Hell loop; he got me my first Earth weaponry.”

 

When she walks into the room again, he sets the photograph down and looks over at her. 

 

“We were friends you know. You don’t have to say almost.”

 

She throws a dagger at him and he grunts as it sinks into the flesh of his shoulder. The fact that it didn’t kill him just proves his point, so he pulls it out with a smile; she would have killed almost anyone else to ask about her feelings. 

 

Lucifer texts him again the next day:

 

_ I miss you.  _

 

Cain scowls at his phone. 

 

**You don’t know me.**

 

_ Well maybe I’d like too.  _

 

Cain doesn’t respond to that. He knows that Lucifer doesn’t actually miss him, it’s just a misplaced sense of guilt about Cain’s apathetic spiral and subsequent disappearance. Still, Lucifer’s texts continue. Everyday he asks something different, usually a simple icebreaker or get to know you question, but occasionally something deeper. Most of the time, Cain even answers though there are plenty of questions he doesn’t. 

 

Part of him is mad that that he has to answer all of these, mad that Lucifer doesn’t already know the answers. The rest of him though, the rest is just content. Things aren’t perfect, but they’re certainly better. 

 

A month and a half into their mission, Maze and Cain hit a dead end. They locate where the lid was found, and, using that, extrapolate where the house Lucifer and Cain had once lived used to be. There’s a quaint little wine shop there now, and Cain has to smile at that. Lucifer would love what it had become. 

 

“Now that we’ve found the probable location of the memory wipe, I’ll see if I can hunt down someone to help us see into the past. I’ll need funds for that however, so it’s time to go home.”

 

“I guess I’ll call the station,” Cain agrees. “Still them know I’ll be coming in soon.”

 

The plane ride back home fills him with anxiety, and he ignores all of the texts Lucifer sends his way, mostly exclamation and question marks as the other man inquired as to when they land. Instead, Cain focuses on Mazikeen.

 

He knows that Maze purposely took far longer than she’d needed to review all of the information and locate where their home had used to be. In fact, it could have been accomplished in probably half the time simply be wondering around the city. For all that Rome has changed in the past couple of millennium, it remains similar enough that with enough patience they’d have eventually recognized the location. Still, he appreciates what he did for him: stretching their hunt for the truth to give him time to recover under her demanding guide. 

 

He’ll have to something nice for her, he concludes. Not overtly so of course, she’d kill him for that, but maybe a new set of blades crafted by this time’s finest. Afterall, he has the funds to demand exquisite work. 

 

Walking into work the next day is an awkward experience. Someone, probably Ella, had hung a banner proclaiming that he was welcome back, and many of his subordinates come to shake his hand, apologizing for his loss and wishing him well.  He only stops himself from correcting the first one at last second as he recalls Maze’s excuse that he’d had a loss in his family. 

 

Lucifer and Decker are out on a case, and Cain can’t help but feel a bit of relief. He’s already overwhelmed; he needs a few minutes before dealing with Lucifer as well. 

 

When the pair of them arrive, they make a beeline to his office. Decker welcomes him back with an awkward abort hug turned into handshake, while Lucifer grins and makes wide eyes at him. 

 

“I’m glad you’re back.” Lucifer confesses, after Decker leaves the room. 

 

“Thank Mazikeen.” 

 

Lucifer’s smile grows fractionally, “Oh I will. She’ll probably deny all knowledge of what I’m talking about however.”

 

“Probably,” Cain agrees. “She’s not one to talk about feelings.”

 

“Well no, but none of us are.”

 

There’s an awkward pause in which a Luifer says nothing and Cain averts his eyes. He isn’t sure how to talk to Lucifer anymore, now that the man has actually bothered to get to know him some. 

 

“I’d like to be friends,” Lucifer announces. “Meet me at Lux tonight?  We can spend some time together.” 

 

Cain agrees, wondering if he’ll regret it. It seems as though Lucifer is the one who generally triggers his poor mental health, but to be fair Cain is the one who keeps going back to him. 

 

The day passes slowly as Cain anticipates his outing with Lucifer. Luckily for him, his prolonged absence has resulted in plenty of paperwork to keep him busy. Decker, Lucifer, and Espinoza seem to have done most of it, but each file still needs to be carefully read over and signed off on. 

 

Lucifer is waiting for him at the bar when he arrives, a glass of Macallan freshly poured. Cain can’t help but smile, he’d told Lucifer his favorite drink several weeks ago. They toast to friendship, before losing themselves in conversation. 

 

They touch on every topic under the sun, from the ways Cain has killed himself, to cases he missed over his absence, to interesting Hell loops Lucifer had run. At the end of the night Lucifer asks if Cain has stopped trying to kill himself and, upon hearing that the answer is no, offers his services once more so long as they don’t bleed over into everyday life.   

 

Cain accepts and Lucifer kills him by dousing him in Chlorine Trifluoride. Cain is to busy watching in horror as all of his nerves numb and the chlorine turns his bones to gelatin (his fingers turn from rods into little rounded stubs) to ask why Lucifer had it one hand. 

 

It’s fun. 

 

Wednesday night drinks becomes a weekly ritual. On occasion, they invite others such as Maze or Decker (who generally refuses on grounds of it being the middle of the week), but more often than not it’s just the two of them. No matter what, they end the night with some sort of grizzly murder/suicide. 

 

Maze still looks for the people she believe will be able to help with Lucifer’s memory, but it’s more of an after thought for her. Afterall, Cain is doing better and Lucifer has gone this long without his memories. The whole search was a long shot anyway, meant solely to help get Cain out of his apathetic state.  Besides, the two of her boys seem to get along well enough without those old memories anyway. 

 

Which is why it’s not as surprising as it would’ve once been when, three months since Cain’s return, Lucifer sets down his half finished drink and shifts awkwardly in his seat. 

 

“I have something I need to ask you.”

 

“Ask away,” Cain instructs though his mind is already racing with possibilities. Lucifer and him have already covered most everything there is to know about one another.

 

“When you first told me of our past together, you refused to be with me as I just wanted to piss off my father.” Lucifer pauses. “That’s not what I want anymore, at least not the part about irritating my father. What I’m trying to say is- will you go on a date with me? I’d like to try again, from scratch”

 

“Never thought I’d see you of all people so flustered about asking someone on a date.” Cain replies, knowing full well that it isn’t an answer. 

 

“Yes well, normally I don’t ask people I care about, let alone people I’ve married.”

 

“I’d love to go on a date with you.”

 

After a few moments of negotiations, they decide that Wednesday night drinks and deaths will remain as they were. Their first date will be a separate event on Friday night and Cain will stay alive the whole time. 

 

Thursday is filled with coy smiles and overly long eye contact. Both men can’t help but think about their date tomorrow when they look at each other, and it creates a sense of anticipation among the officers and other people in the station as they feed on one another energy. 

 

“Is there something going on with you and Pierce,” Cain overhears Decker ask as he’s getting coffee. He can’t help but stop to listen for Lucifer’s response. 

 

“I’ll let you know after tomorrow.”

 

A smile creeps up his lips, tomorrow indeed. 

 

Friday night can’t come soon enough, but when it finally does Cain dresses in his nicest button up and slacks. He’s sure that Lucifer will be wearing his usual full suit, but dressing up has never been his thing and he isn’t about to start now. Hopefully, Lucifer had taken that into consideration as he planned their date.  

 

Lucifer arrives outside of a Cain’s house in the same convertible he drives everywhere, but this time Cain help a small smile upon seeing it. He recalls the story that Lucifer had told him, about stealing it on a hunt for Amenadiel’s stolen necklace. 

 

“You look nice,” Cain greets Lucifer who beams at him and returns the compliment. “Where are we going?”

 

“It’s a surprise,” Lucifer informs him. 

 

“The last time you said that to me, we ended up on the run from several soldiers.”

 

Lucifer laughs, and Cain can’t help but smile as he watches. Lucifer is beautiful, always had been, but there’s something about the dim lighting of the car and the potential of the night that makes him seem even more so. 

 

“Tell me about it.” Lucifer requests, and Cain obliges. 

 

Cain is just wrapping up the story when Lucifer stops the car.  Cain looks out the window, but he doesn’t recognize where they are; it looks like some kind of park lit only by the occasional streetlight. 

 

“Ready,” Lucifer beams and Cain, despite his confusion, nods and gets out of the car, following Lucifer to the trunk.

 

He watches with a small smile as Lucifer pulls out a blanket and a picnic basket. There’s no doubt in his mind that whatever contents lie within are made by Lucifer; his husband had always been to much of a perfectionist to allow someone else to cook for something like this. 

 

Their date is wonderful, the snarky banter of their Wednesday night drinks easily transferring to their picnic. Cain even convinces Lucifer to lay down and stargaze with him; he’s able to point out most of the constellations to his angelic counterpart, and he regrets that Lucifer’s time in hell prevented him from being able to enjoy the simple things of earth like this. 

 

The night ends on Cain’s doorstep. He feels eons younger as he shuffles his feet and looks at Lucifer’s expressive face. He knows it needs to be said, but he feels strange doing so. 

 

“I had fun tonight Lucifer, I really did, but. But I’m not ready for anything more, not yet.”

 

Lucifer nods, “You do mean sex right?”

 

He waits until Cain nods before continuing, “Oh good, because I’d been planning on at least kissing you goodnight, and I’m not sure how else I would have ended the night if you’d refused.”

 

Cain chuckles before surging forwards and pressing his lips to Lucifer’s. In a way, it’s an old and familiar sensation, despite millennium without he’s never quite forgotten how it feels to kiss Lucifer. On the other hand, his nerves and excitement about doing it all over are still strong, and he can’t help but let some of that leak into their kiss. 

 

Lucifer holds him close, returning the kiss with just as much passion and fervor as Cain puts into it. When they finally separate, the two of them both look less than presentable, but Lucifer doesn’t focus on himself and his appearance, instead he fixes Cain’s collar with a timid smile. 

 

“I’ll see you soon then.”

 

“Yeah,” Cain agrees. “Soon.”

 

They take it slow; their dates all ending in relatively the same way as the first. They keep the change in their relationship quiet, with Lucifer only telling Decker and his therapist, and Cain telling no one. He has no one to tell, but at the same time even if he did he’d still be stopped by a crippling fear that talking about it would reveal some flaw, something that would make it fall apart around him. He’s fairly certain Mazikeen knows, but he feels no desire to broach the subject with her. 

 

They’re on their fifth date, arguing over what term best suits their relationship, when the downhill turn Cain’s been dreading finally occurs. 

 

“Look Lucifer, I absolutely refuse to call you my boyfriend. We can find another term, but nothing quite so juvenile.”

 

“Fair, but-“

 

“Lucifer,” Amenadiel’s voice rings out across Lucifer’s living room where the two of them are seated on a piano bench. “Brother, what are you doing?”

 

Lucifer scowls as Cain stiffens. He can’t help where his thoughts take him: that this will be the end of them again, Amenadiel will take Lucifer from him, that he’ll be left alone for millennium again. He wonders why he ever got his hopes up. 

 

“I’m trying to settle an argument with my partner,” Lucifer replies, before turning away from his brother to look at Cain. “Is partner an acceptable label?”

 

“It’s fine,” Cain croaks, his throat dry. 

 

“Good,” Lucifer beams. “Now that that’s settled, what can I do for you, Brother?”

 

“Do you rejoice in angering our father?” Amenadiel questions. “Is that why you choose to ally yourself with the first murder?”

 

Lucifer frowns, “As if Cain would ever be with me simply to spite my father, no. I actually have feelings for the man, despite our father’s attempts in the past to keep us apart from one another.”

 

Amenadiel glowers at Lucifer who removes himself from the piano bench he was seated on. Cain doesn’t move, can’t move. It’s his past come back to haunt him, yet another one of Lucifer’s brothers come to take his husband away. 

 

“So you admit to knowing that your so called relationship is against our father’s wishes?”  

 

“I do, but when have I ever done what Father wanted. Especially when I already want to do the thing that displeases him.” Lucifer is standing directly in front of his brother now, the two of them glaring at one another. 

 

Amenadiel’s fist comes forth to grasp at Lucifer’s collar, lifting him into the air. In response, Lucifer’s wings unfurl, accidentally knocking over one of the many candles Lucifer had set out claiming that they enhanced to mood. 

 

All Cain sees is the dancing of the flames, and suddenly Amenadiel’s face is superimposed with Michael’s. His breath comes in short gasps as watches the scene play out before him. 

 

_ Rome is burning, burning all around him and there’s nothing he can do. He can’t help but watch as Lucifer and his brother battle high above him in the air. Mazikeen is gone, either deposited back in Hell by Michael or torn to shreds in anger. He can’t bring himself to care. All he can see is the blood and dripping down Lucifer’s face. The power in Michael’s movement as he grasps Lucifer by the throat and drives him into the ground.  _

 

_ Lucifer fights back, hissing and clawing, his Devil face put for all to see as he wields one of Mazikeen’s hell forged daggers. They bounce off of the shield Michael has formed, unable to penetrate flesh.  _

 

_ He can smell burning flesh, and realizes that it’s him. He’s burning, and yet he makes no move to put out the flames. He can’t. Not while Lucifer is dropping the dagger, screaming at his brother.  _

 

_ “I’ll do it, I’ll return! Just let me help him.”   _

 

_ Michael takes the dagger and stares down at his younger brother.  _

 

_ “I’ll return tomorrow. Be ready, and remember Lucifer. I hold all of the cards in my hand now.” _

 

“Cain,” he hears and it’s Lucifer’s voice, but Lucifer is still staring at his brother, pinned to the ground. 

 

_ Everything hurts, he’s burning, but he still can only stare as with a powerful beat of his wings, Michael is gone.  _

 

“Cain.” A woman’s voice this time, one he feels should be familiar, but isn’t. 

  
  


_ Lucifer’s hands cup his face. “I’m sorry. So sorry.” _

 

“Cain!” Lucifer calls, and he blinks away hazy visions of the past. 

 

Lucifer is in front of him, alongside Mazikeen and some woman he can’t place at the moment. 

 

“Lucifer.” He croaks. “But, Michael, he took you away.”

 

“Michael?” Lucifer mutters. “Michael was never here, darling.”

 

“He took Mazikeen, you’re next.” Cain tells him. 

 

Lucifer looks to the unidentified blond woman for answers and she quickly takes charge. “Take him to bed Lucifer, he’s obviously not going to be able to answer any of your questions right now. I’ll schedule an appointment for him at my office, it’s your job to ensure that he makes it there, okay?”  

 

Lucifer nods, gathering Cain into his arms and heading towards his bedroom. Cain doesn’t object, all he wants is rest. His flesh still feels scorched and dry; he hopes he’ll be healed when he wakes up. 

 

“And Lucifer,” the woman calls after them. “Don’t press for answers when he wakes up. He’ll share what he’s ready to, anything more and we may make everything worse.”

 

Cain wakes up in Lucifer’s bed with a vague recollection of the night before. He’s still dressed in the jeans and polo he’d been wearing, but his shoes are gone and he’s wrapped securely in Lucifer’s arms. 

 

“Morning,” Lucifer greets, but Cain can hear the worry in his tone. 

 

“Morning.”

 

Cain waits, he has an idea of what’s coming. There’s a beat before Lucifer continues. 

 

“Are you feeling better now?”

 

Sighing, Cain turns to face his partner. “I’m fine Lucifer. Last night just wasn’t a good night. It shouldn’t happen again.” 

 

“I’m not worried about the future right now; I’m worried about the fact that you had some kind of breakdown last night and there was nothing I could do to help you.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Cain’s snaps. “What happened with Amenadiel?”

 

“Maze got rid of him while Linda and I were trying to help you. Which brings us back to the elephant in the room, what happened last night?”

 

“It was nothing.” Cain maintains. “Sometimes I remember events from my past, that’s all.”

 

Lucifer looks skeptical, “You screamed, Cain. Then, when it was all over you brought up Michael.”  

 

“That’s enough,” Cain tells him, rolling out of Lucifer’s arms and then the bed. “I’m going to work. I’ll see you there.”

 

Cain doesn’t bother going home, he simply finds his shoes and makes his way to the station. Luckily, he’d driven to Lucifer’s last night and he doesn’t have to wait for his partner to take him. 

 

He spends the day holed up in his office, ignoring Lucifer. Every once in a while he’ll see Lucifer looking at him through the window, ignoring Decker. Guilt builds in his gut, and, as a result, anger at himself. 

 

He doesn’t know why he’s acting like this, why he can’t just share this part of himself. He wants Lucifer to know him, to love him, and the other man cannot do so without all of the facts. Besides Lucifer already knows he kills himself frequently, he even helps; it makes no sense that he can’t tell his partner about something as simple as nightmares and the occasional bad memory.

 

He hides in his office for most of the day, but he knows that Lucifer won’t let him leave without at least talking it over. So, at exactly six o’clock, Cain finally unlocks his door and step out to face the world, or, more aptly, Lucifer. 

 

His partner descends on him instantly; Cain can tell that he’s about to be hugged, but Lucifer pulls himself together at last second, remembering the Cain is inherently private and isn’t ready for the world to know about them. Instead, he contends himself with a hand resting on Cain’s shoulder. 

 

“Are you ready to talk to me now?” Lucifer asks.

 

Cain shakes his head. “Not here, Lucifer. Meet me back at my place.”’

 

“Happily,” Lucifer tells him. “I’ll be there soon, just let me tell the detective that I’ll be on my way.”

 

Cain sets to work making dinner when he arrives at home. It’s nothing fancy, just some simple pasta, but he thinks that this conversation will go better over a meal: most hard conversations do. 

 

He lets Lucifer in, making small talk until the food is ready and they settle down to eat. Then, silence descends and Cain struggles to find words, twirling his pasta on his fork. 

 

“I want to share this with you, I do.” 

 

Lucifer leans forwards. “Then why don’t you?”

 

“I don’t know how,” Cain admits. “I just don’t know how. Just the thought of telling you about it, it makes me anxious; like if I talk about it with you, it’ll get worse because then someone knows.”

 

Lucifer nods, biting his lip. “This is hard for me to admit, but I don’t think I am the one you need to talk about this with. I think you need to go see Linda.”

 

“Linda?”

 

“My therapist,” Lucifer reminds him. 

 

“Right, I knew that, sorry.”

 

“You didn’t answer the question, will you go see her?”

 

“You never actually asked me.” Cain argues and he knows he’s just avoiding the question. 

 

“It was implied, now will you?”

 

Cain shrugs, feigning a nonchalance he doesn’t feel. “I can give it a shot, no promises that I’ll keep it up.”

 

“That’s all I’m asking for.”  

 

He sleeps in Lucifer’s arms again that night, hoping that the nightmares don’t show up. He just wants the promise of sleep without the horrors of his past, especially while he’s not alone. Lucifer isn’t stuck with him now, they no longer have the bond of marriage holding them together now that Lucifer doesn’t remember. He can leave anytime he wants.  

 

Despite the fact that their marriage isn’t really valid now, Cain knows he could never be the one to leave. He loves Lucifer, acknowledges that he’s different from the man he once married, but loves him nonetheless. 

 

His first session with Linda is that Tuesday. He both dreads it and looks forwards to it; he is ready to get it over with, believes that he can’t be fixed, but somewhere deep inside of him there’s a spark of hope. 

 

“So,” Linda says once he’s seated on her couch. “Cain. The first murderer.”

 

“Is this going to be a problem, because I didn't want to come in the first place.”

 

“No, no!” Linda objects. “If I can still be Lucifer’s therapist I can be yours too. Although normally that would be a conflict of interest and I’d send you somewhere else, your unique situation means that I can’t.”

 

“Look, Lucifer wanted me to come here so I came, but are we actually going to do anything, or are you just going to talk at me.”

 

Linda pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose and takes a fortifying breath. “You’re right of course, however, I need to get to get to know you in order to help you. I need to know how you see yourself, not just how Lucifer sees you.”

 

“Fine,” Cain bites out. “What do you want to know?”

 

It’s a slow process, but Linda slowly drags answers out of Cain. It’s just simple things for today, such as talking about his childhood (he was the first born son, a farmer, he and his brother fought frequently) and why he wanted to be a cop (of all the careers he’s tried, this one killed him often and he’d been in the military two lifetimes ago so he wasn’t in the mood for that). 

 

“Right,” Linda says as their hour wraps up. “I’d like to see you again next week, and we’ll be able to get into more depth on what’s bothering you.”

 

“I’ll let you know,” Cain replies, unwilling to commit to the idea. He doesn’t like talking about himself, and even the mild topics they covered today made him uncomfortable. 

 

“I’ll keep your slot open.”

 

Lucifer is waiting for him outside of Linda’s office. They don’t speak at first, but Lucifer slides his hand into Cain’s and Cain takes a deep breath. 

 

“How was it?” Lucifer asks and Cain shrugs. 

 

“Could have been worse.”

 

“Will you be going again?” 

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

They reach Lucifer’s car and stand there for a moment, reluctant to part. Cain swipes his thumb over Lucifer’s knuckles before making up his mind. 

 

“Let’s go out on a date.”

 

“Really!” Lucifer exclaims. “Lieutenant Marcus Pierce is going to play hooky with me!” 

 

Cain snorts, “No, your partner Cain is. If I really felt like being Marcus Pierce right now, I’d be dragging you to work alongside me.”

 

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m dating the real you then, and not Marcus Pierce.”

 

Lucifer kisses Cain’s temple, and they make their ways towards the car. It’s a good day, every day with Lucifer is, and Cain just wants things to last. 

 

Cain returns to therapy the next week, and based on Linda’s agape mouth his decision to angrily storm in surprises her. He can’t bring himself to care, after all, why would he care out the opinion of a mortal. All they do is die.  

 

“Will doing this help me keep him?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Linda asks as she grabs at her notebook. 

 

“Going to therapy, will it make Lucifer stay with me?”

 

“Nothing can make him stay with you. That’s a choice that Lucifer has to make; what therapy will do, is it will help you deal with your flashbacks like the one I saw, and it will help you feel more in touch with yourself.”

 

“I don’t need all of that, I just need Lucifer.”

 

Linda sighs, crossing and uncrossing her legs. “I understand how you’re feeling, but-“

 

“You don’t understand,” Cain argues. “Nobody does, not even Lucifer. None of you have been cursed with immortality and then when you finally find a way to avoid the bleakness of life had it ripped away from you by a vengeful god.”

 

“You’re right,” Linda admits. “I can’t say that I’ve ever been in that particular situation. However, whether or not I have, I do no that it isn’t healthy for you to depend solely on Lucifer to be happy. If something were to happen again, if God interfered again, what would you do?”

 

“I don’t know,” Cain admits in a broken voice. “I don’t know how to stop it though, and that terrifies me because I would just be trapped here on earth alone again.”

 

“Okay,” Linda soothes. “Let’s start there, can you tell me about when Lucifer left you? That’s what your flashback was about, wasn’t it?”

 

Slowly, Cain tells her. It comes out rather jumbled, more focused on Lucifer’s part than his own, but eventually he get it all out. They don’t have time to dissect it all, but Linda promises that they’ll start on on it next week. Just knowing the full story helps her start helping him, and unburdening himself should help him some. 

 

Cain goes straight home that day, finds a knife and begins to cut himself open. He holds his chest cavity open using the clamps from his sectional couch, afterall he’s nothing if not innovative, and pour gasoline inside of his own torso’s gaping wound. Then he finishes the process by bringing a lit match to the fuel pooled within him. 

 

As he screams he wonders what Michael would think now, if he still thinks following God’s word was the right thing to do. 

 

He wakes up, sadly, and calls into work for the rest of the week. He can already tell that this recovery will take longer than a simple wound, and he curses his lack of forethought. Afterall, he’s supposed to meet Lucifer for drinks later that afternoon, and he most likely won’t be mobile until at least tomorrow. 

 

Later, he promises himself. Later he’ll call Lucifer and let him know that he won’t be making drinks that night, for now though, for now he closes his eyes again and allows himself to slide into unconsciousness. 

 

He wakes up on his bed, not the hardwood floor he’d fallen asleep on. Lucifer is there, his thigh propping up Cain’s head and his fingers running those his partner’s hair. Cain simply enjoys the sensation for a moment, closing his eyes as he relaxes. 

 

“Linda told me you’d had a rough day,” Lucifer tells him after a few moments. “I brought you the paperwork you needed to get done today, I figured you wouldn’t want to go to the station.”

 

“Thank you,” Cain murmurs his voice scratchy from the smoke inhalation. “I’ll need that since I won’t get to the office this week.”

 

“Cain,” Lucifer says quietly in a rare moment of seriousness. “I know this is a big ask, and if you can’t do it I understand, but can you restrict your deaths to when we’re together. I don’t want the one time it works to be when I’m not there.”

 

“Okay.” Cain agrees and the word comes from his lips much quicker than either one of them anticipated. Still, it’s an easy decision for him. The fact that Lucifer is asking this, it means that Lucifer cares for him I’m at least some capacity. His partner wants to be a part of his life, and death, which means that his feelings aren’t completely unrequited. 

 

Therapy quickly becomes a regular part of his life, though after Linda becomes aware of his initial reaction to their first session, she lives their standing appointment to Friday afternoons after work and forces Lucifer to drive him home. She still disapproves of the fact that he occasionally kills himself, but she’s glad that it’s down to once a week. 

 

“Would you like it if Lucifer was still cutting his wings off every chance he got?” Linda asks him after several months of therapy. 

 

“No, but that’s different.”

 

Linda shakes her head. “Except it isn’t Cain, both are self harm. If you wouldn’t want Lucifer to hurt himself, why do you think it’s okay for you to hurt yourself?”

 

“Because I’m trying to die, Lucifer is trying to get rid of a gift.”

 

“Wouldn’t you say life is a gift? Don’t you enjoy your life with Lucifer? You were telling me the other day that you think you’re ready for a more intimate relationship, is that not something you want anymore?”

 

“I can’t stop, not yet, but if Lucifer ever asks me too, then I will.”

 

“Okay,” Linda agrees, but Cain can tell she wants to push for more. He’s glad that she doesn’t. 

 

Lucifer is waiting for him outside of his session, as per usual, and Cain slips his hand into his partner’s. As they walk down to the car, he squeezes it. 

 

“I was thinking,” he says.  

 

“Oh really, always a dangerous pastime!” Lucifer laughs. “What were you thinking, darling?” 

 

“If you wanted to be more open with our relationship, I’d be okay with that. I know I’m the reason that you haven’t been as candid as you normally are.”

 

Lucifer beams at him. “Perfect! That means we can finally have a date at that restaurant Providence that I was telling you about! I wasn’t sure if it was to public for you or not.”

 

“That sounds great,” Cain tells him before kissing him deeply. He loves this man, he thinks. He doesn’t know what he would do without him. 

 

Lucifer makes the reservations for Providence and Cain watches him with a fond smile. They’ve been together for a while now, and with Linda’s help things have only been getting better. They have their ups and downs of course, it’s hard not to when a relationship is composed of two immortals one of whom has PTSD and the other who has his own variety of issues, but Cain loves Lucifer and he thinks Lucifer loves him. 

 

They go in their date at Providence several weeks later. It isn’t their first public date, they’d had several in the weeks since Cain admitted a willingness to share their relationship with the world, but as the first one they’d planned it holds a special kind of importance to them. This one he won’t have to deal with his discomfort at letting his walls down in public, or questions about Lucifer’s sudden physical affection at work, he can just enjoy it. 

 

“Do you think Maze will ever find the magic needed to bring back my memories?” Lucifer asks. 

 

“I don’t know,” Cain admits, but it doesn’t terrify him in the way that it used to. He has this Lucifer now, and he’d rather not dwell on the past. He’s grateful that Maze is still out there looking, but he doesn’t feel as if his whole life depends on it as he once has. “Do you want her to?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

They make love for the first time, in this relationship that is, that night, tender and passionate. It’s not like in the past where they had begun as hot and heavy and slowly progressed to towards love. This is slow and full of emotion, with the promise of more. 

 

Cain tells Linda in his next therapy session. “I’m sure Lucifer already told you that we were intimate.”

 

“Well Yes, you’ve been public for a few weeks now I thought.” 

 

“No, we had sex, Linda.”

 

“Oh!” She exclaims. “Yes, of course. So you felt that you were finally ready for physical intimacy, what led to that decision?”

 

Cain quickly regrets bringing it up, he’d only done so based on the assumption that his partner had, but he answers her questions nonetheless. Still, he tells himself to avoid the topic in the future. 

 

“It’s an important milestone Cain, one that I hope you recognize. Look at how far you’ve come in this year alone.”

 

“Yeah,” Cain agrees. 

 

When he emerges from therapy, Lucifer isn’t there. A trickle of fear slides down his back, the hairs on his arms raising. It isn’t like Lucifer to be late picking him up from therapy. It’s happened before, of course, Lucifer gets sidetracked with Chloe working some kind of lead, but it’s rare enough that Cain has yet to train himself out of his gut reaction: a visceral fear that he’s once again lost Lucifer.  Still, it’s easily solved. He pulls out his phone and dials Lucifer’s number, allowing in to ring until it hits the voicemail box. 

 

Panic grips him tight, and Cain finds himself hailing a cab all the while calling Chloe. If anyone else knows where his partner is, it’s her. 

 

No answer. 

 

Dan is next, a faint hope that he’ll have at least some idea where Chloe is. He needs them to just be on a lead, needs Lucifer to have just forgotten about him. 

 

“Pierce,” Dan answers the phone. “I just heard about Lucifer, do you-“

 

“What about Lucifer?” Cain snaps, trying to hide his fear. 

 

There’s a pause. “You don’t know yet. Lucifer got shot he’s at the hospital now-“

 

Cain stops listening, jumping to the can that finally stops for him. 

 

“Which hospital?”

 

“LA Community, but-“

 

Cain tells the cabbie where to take him, hanging up his phone. His fingers dig into his palm as he tries not to imagine Lucifer, blood pooling out of him into the floor. He wishes he could ask Lucifer not to follow Decker into danger, but he knows he would lose him if he tried to take away his friends. Besides, he doesn’t want Lucifer to be be without her, just to be safe. 

 

The cab ride feels as though it takes forever, though Cain is sure that it only lasts about ten minutes. He can’t bring himself to care about the truth though, not when every moment is torture. 

 

When the cab rolls to a stop outside of his destination, Cain simply throws a few bills at the driver and leaps out. He doesn’t care how much he overpaid, only Lucifer matters right now. 

 

Chloe is waiting for him at the entrance of the building. Her eyes are red, her hair falling out of its normally tight bun. 

 

“He’s in surgery.” She tells him and Cain’s nails dig into his palm. 

 

“Is there a doctor I can speak to?”  

 

“I can get you a nurse.”

 

After speaking to the nurse, and determining that Lucifer was shot close range and they had yet to stabilize him as the bullet had nicked his heart, Cain settles in to wait. He’s never been one to sit still though, and his fingers twitch for a gun of his own though he doesn’t know if it’s himself or the man who’d shot Lucifer that he aches to hurt. 

 

He forces Decker to fill him in on the situation: they’d been chasing a suspect in their current murder, that of a animal shelter volunteer, when he had pulled out a gun. Chloe had tried to talk him out of shorting, out when he had fired off a wanting shot, Lucifer had stepped in front of her and taken the second bullet. Chloe had caught the suspect, and called an ambulance for Lucifer. 

 

“Excuse me,” Cain says, standing suddenly as the shaking in his hands grows too much to hide. 

 

Chloe gapes at him. “Are you leaving? What about Lucifer?”

 

“I’m not doing anything for him here anyway,” Cain snaps. “He’ll understand why I had to go.”

 

Chloe must see that he’s barely holding it together and assume that he’s going off to cry in peace as she lets him go. He doesn’t stop and wait for her to ask more questions instead rushing outside of the hospital. 

 

He doesn’t know how he makes it home, only that he finds himself there with a gun in his hands. It’s only as he approaches death, no matter how short it may be, that he stops shaking. Something about killing himself gives him the control he had been so lost without. He may not be able to determine who lives and does, not even for himself, but he can control how much pain he’s in. 

 

He thinks back to Lucifer, how the bullet scraped his heart and they don’t know yet if he’ll make it or not, and he turns the gun against himself, centered on where he can feel his own heart beating wildly. 

 

He pulls the trigger. 

 

Instant catharsis, he thinks gurgling on his own blood. It certainly should be enough to ground him for the time Lucifer is unstable. Afterall, no one will know how Lucifer is feeling better than he. 

 

He comes back to after several moments, gunshot wounds always heal quick, and he feels better mentally if not physically. There’s just something about the blaze of pain each time he moves that helps him focus, stay grounded in the moment. 

 

He changes shirts, tucks his gun into his holster and makes his way back to the hospital. He hopes he won’t need to shoot himself again, but if something happened to Lucifer he knows he will, again and again until it either sticks or the government takes him away for experiments again. 

 

They’ve moved Lucifer into the ICU by the time he’s back, but at least he’s out of surgery. Cain quickly sears himself in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to the bed and places his hand over Lucifer’s. He’s never seen the angel so pale, so close to death. He falls asleep like that, slumped over in a hospital visitors seat. 

 

He wakes up in the same position, only now Lucifer’s hand is covering his. Shocked, Cain looks up only to make eye contact with Lucifer. Happily, he leans forwards and presses a gentle kiss to his partners forehead. 

 

“How do you feel?” Cain asks. 

 

Lucifer laughs, but it quickly is cut off by a wince. “Like I’ve been shot. You?”

 

“About the same.” 

 

Lucifer’s eyes narrow before focusing on a small spot in Cain’s just, just above his heart. “Were you shot then?”

 

Cain looks down, a small smudge of blood gives him away. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“I thought you only did that when I was around.” 

 

Cain can hear the hurt in his voice. 

 

“I do, it was just an emergency. I can’t live without you Lucifer.”

 

His partner scowls, “And you think I would fare any better without you? I don’t want a world without you in it, Cain; I need you to stop killing yourself.”

 

“It was just this once, I haven’t done it without you since I promised not to.”

 

Lucifer shakes his head, “I don’t want to help you anymore Cain, I love you. I want you to survive; I want us to live, to thrive together. I love you!”

 

“I love you too.” Cain tells him. “No more deaths, I promise.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
